Yet another breakdown...

Sometimes I just feel utterly incompetent. Feel every laugh, every stare, every glance, is directed against me. As if I could understand exactly what I'm doing wrong but I cannot change it, except for the fact that I can change it but I don't. That makes me feel so conflicted, so incompetent and sad. I want to quit, give up, run away, cry. Every motivational quote I had previously posted around me seems to be mocking me, as if saying "you thought you could never abandon your dreams, but you now have no dreams". I wish I could blame it on being a woman. Perhaps because I'm right now alone with only men in my office but I am aware that this is just another excuse, another mask. I feel devastated. I want to cry, I want to quit, I want to think it will be better but in two years it hasn't been better. I suck, I suck in my stupid phd... Ugh... I admit I did it only for the prestige of having one. Imagining too many things that were too good even for my ego, and of course, as it usually happens, reality never agrees with this imaginary worlds. I feel broken, devastated but I don't want to let go. At this point I don't even care if we publish my stuff in a Stupid journal or if we don't publish it at all as long as I can get out of here with a something...