Mommy, mommy

Crying in the office is perhaps the most painful thing that can happen while at work. This time I just couldn't help it. My eyes started watering after my face lit up red like a light bulb. I wanted to scream and cry louder, bang my head agains my desk, tell everyone I hated them and break their things.

People are assholes. Pretending not to see you while sinultaneously walking by just to get a peek of the show. Fucking assholes. I hated them all and I couldn't help but to be miserable and weak in front of them all. 

I smelled like ham and looked like an idiot. I was disgusted of myself. I wanted to hide and be alone but my mom was in town so I literally had no where to go to be alone. That's why I went to the gym. Perhaps people coups mistake my tears with sweat and my face was prone to getting red anyway. 

I felt stupid. I knew that people around me thought of me as an idiot. I hated everyone, I wanted to be alone and the best I came up with was coming to the fucking gym. 

In my tantrum at the office I got compassive word from two others, my boss and someone I thought I hated but now I just disliked. "Don't be upset" "it's hard to manage your time. This is normal, we all go trough that". 

I feel disgusting. If only I could be good at something. Fuck if only I could just do fucking nothing and be happy with it. I wanted everyone to fail, as if their misery would become my victory. I wanted to see everyone defeated, as if that would renew my dreams and hopes. I knew I was stupid, at the truth is that was the hardest part to deal with.